To the east, there is naught but more east. To the west, nothing less than a continuous west. The distance between the two is vast, but when they reach for one another, the result is a clash of titans. Only the best of either direction will meet in the middle, and where they meet, the world pauses to watch.

Is that not the best description of the Audi MLS Cup Playoffs you’ve ever heard? Is it perhaps a tad dramatic? Of course it is! IT’S THE POSTSEASON, BABY; if I’m not allowed to be dramatic about the playoffs, when am I allowed to be dramatic?

The Table Tracker is gone; we don’t need that anymore, thank goodness. The postseason is here, and with the Wild Card matches done and dusted (congrats Chicago and Portland) and every series finally through Game 1, it’s high time we turn our league-wide lens toward the state of the playoffs, one conference at a time. I’ll even give you some predictions while I’m at it, because why not? IT’S THE POSTSEASON.

East

If you’re here to find upsets, you’ve come to the right conference. Not because a particularly large number of underdogs succeeded: precisely the opposite, actually. There was only one lower seed to pull the rug out from under their host in Game 1, so let’s all thank NYCFC for making things interesting by beating Charlotte. Everything else? Chalk. And though we could end the analysis there, I get paid to write. So, let’s talk chalk.

Game 1 Results:

Philadelphia Union 2 (4) - 2 (2) Chicago Fire

At the top of the bracket, Supporters’ Shield winners Philadelphia were pushed to the limits against a plucky Chicago Fire side that, I must admit, I can’t help but root for. Gregg Berhalter brought his side back into the postseason for the first time since 2017, and they don’t look like they’re just happy to be here; they’re here to play. Sure, Philly is a juggernaut on the tail end of a fantastic season, but I don’t think this series is anywhere near over. Get ready for Game 3 in what could end up being the best matchup of Round One.

Inter Miami 3 - 1 Nashville SC

Further down the bracket, Lionel Messi and Inter Miami continue to pick on Nashville SC, and at this point, I’d call it bullying. They played each other on Decision Day and are pitted against one another in Round One. In their last two meetings, the Herons have outscored the Tennesseans eight to three, and that includes a diving header from the GOAT. Sorry, Sam Surridge; no Golden Boot, and no advancing in the playoffs. This Messi guy really has your number. Miami in two.

FC Cincinnati 1 - 0 Columbus Crew

Charlotte FC 0 - 1 NYCFC

The final two matchups in the east are intriguing in their own right. First, a Hell is Real matchup that has become a playoff tradition at this point (great soccer down in Ohio; you love to see it), and a four-five battle between NYCFC and Charlotte that feels truly balanced on a knife’s edge. My black-and-yellow heart yearns for the Crew to recover from their Game 1 loss, but my (totally) unbiased head won’t let me write that. Likewise, while I grew up loving the exploits of Wilfried Zaha, I have a feeling Alonso Martínez and NYCFC are on the verge of something special. Cincinnati and NYCFC will clean up, whether it takes them two or three games.

West

Four games down, four home wins. The Western Conference has proven quite averse to surprises thus far, and while that serves the Loons well in their four-five matchup with Seattle, it’d sure be nice to see somebody shake things up. Would I love to see LAFC or Vancouver lose? Of course! Nothing personal; they’re just not the kind of team I’d like for the Loons to come up against if we can avoid it. Let’s get the lay of the land, and let’s hope for some Davids to slay the Goliaths.

Game 1 Results:

San Diego FC 2 - 1 Portland Timbers

Don’t tell Anders Dreyer, but this is the series that I think is most likely to end in an upset. The Timbers are notoriously frustrating to play against, and they always seem to find another gear around this time of year. With Chucky Lozano’s status uncertain and the Portland faithful ready to create a playoff-worthy atmosphere, I’m feeling a shootout on the horizon in Game 2, and if the Timbers can hold their nerve, Game 3 will be anyone’s to claim.

Vancouver Whitecaps 3 - 0 FC Dallas

Dang you, Thomas Muller. Vancouver had one of the best starts to a season I’ve ever seen from an MLS team, but I thought their season was over when they began to dip after their Concacaf Champions Cup Final loss. Enter Bayern Munich and Germany legend Thomas Muller, and the swagger is fully back. They dispatched Dallas without breaking a sweat in Game 1, and I don’t see this dominance ending any time soon. Caps in two, and it’s not going to be close.

Minnesota United 0 (3) - 0 (2) Seattle Sounders

What haven’t I said about this series already? The Loons seem to be Brian Schmetzer’s kryptonite this season, which is ironic to me, because they’re the green ones in all of this. I’m honestly most afraid of Giorgio Minoungou in this matchup, as the speedy winger’s brilliant one-on-one ability nearly single-handedly overturned the Loons’ lead last time they played in Seattle. If he gets more minutes than he did in Game 1, we might see a Game 3. But I wouldn’t bet on it if I were you. If I may be so bold, I’ll leave you with this: Loons in two.

LAFC 2 - 1 Austin FC

The best team in LA left it late last night, but they’re starting to feel inevitable at this point. Sure, Austin put up a fight, and they kept Heung-Min Son and Denis Bouanga quiet, but this LAFC side is simply too talented for most teams to handle. Austin could realistically steal Game 2, but there’s no way they get the better of one of the league’s hottest teams. I reckon we’ll get to see the Vancouver vs. LAFC matchup that everyone’s craving in the next round.

There you have it: the playoffs as I see them. Let’s hope for another upset or two across the impending Game 2’s (not in Seattle, please) to spice things up a bit and give us an extra dose of playoff soccer. I’ll be back next week with more expert analysis — and to pat myself on the back for another batch of perfect predictions.