It’s May 4 — Star Wars Day — and since on this particular May 4, you’re probably at home and maybe just possibly binging some Star Wars movies, we got to thinking about which Star Wars characters would make up the best soccer team. The team will line up in a 4-2-3-1 and the odds are that we've definitely forgotten someone obvious but also never tell us the odds.
GK - Darth Vader
At 6-feet-2-inches, the former Anakin Skywalker (sorry: SPOILER ALERT) has the size and intimidation factor to make an excellent goalkeeper. Good with the ball at his feet and an expert leader, he’s also blessed with a wealth of other tools, like force-choking opposing penalty kick takers. Bonus: Already has gloves.
LB – Boba Fett
Time has not been kind to Boba Fett. Yes, he’s got the best-looking armor, but he also kinda didn’t do much of anything before getting unceremoniously and accidentally knocked into the maw of the Sarlacc by Han Solo. Still: anyone can play left back, right? Plus, the jet pack really helps him get up and down the field.
CB – Chewbacca
Size, size and more size. Chewbacca is 7 feet 5 inches tall, making him a monster on set pieces, both defensively and offensively. But he’s also agile enough to step out and defend in space and if all else fails, he can always tear an attacker’s arms off.
CB – IG-11
Although he can push forward into the offense when necessary, IG-11 displayed some serious defensive chops in the later episodes of The Mandalorian, arguably showing that he was even better when tasked with protecting than attacking. He also has the ultimate last ditch defense in the form of a thermal detonator in his chest.
RB – Yoda
The prequel trilogy showcased Yoda’s agility and speed, ideal assets for a right back tasked with overlapping into the attack. While he’s known primarily for his wisdom, the prequels showed that his decision-making cannot always be relied upon, so the right back position plays to his strengths, allowing him to push up into the attack.
DM – Obi-Wan Kenobi
You don’t become a famous general in the Clone Wars without some serious organizational abilities, making the steady Jedi commander an ideal #6. He also has enough technical ability to make up for any lapses in judgment, like, say, hiding Luke on his father’s home planet with a close relative without changing his last name. Bonus: Jedi mind trick for refs after committing fouls.
CM – Luke Skywalker
Although he began his career as a brash striker obsessed with getting forward, Luke matured into his role as a leader and mentor. Following several seasons on Ahch-To, he returned to the frontlines as a set-piece specialist who could see the whole pitch in a glance and get players into position effectively.
LW – Lando Calrissian
Lando might have aged into an administrator overseeing Cloud City on Bespin, but in his youth he was a gambler, a fighter and a lover — in short, a perfect devil-may-care left wing with a heaping helping of guile and finishing.
AM – Han Solo
There’s no wilier or more skillful player in the Star Wars universe, and every team needs an attacking mid who can both take it on his own and create for his teammates. While the young Han was maybe a bit too selfish for this role, by Return of the Jedi, he’d learned some hard lessons about relying on others, maturing into a capable commander without losing an ounce of his skill.
RW – Rey
An ideal partner on the right wing both for Han in the middle and the team’s star striker, Rey is capable of channeling tremendous power into the attack. Her judgment might not always be what it should, but keeping her on the wing cuts down on some of her responsibilities while letting her natural abilities flourish.
F – Kylo Ren
Standing 6 feet 3 inches, Kylo Ren is a mirror image of his grandfather Darth Vader at the other end of the pitch. Too brash and bold to be relied on for defensive responsibilities, he needs to be unleashed on the offensive end of the ball, where his fury and considerable frame make him a handful for opposing defenders. DID YOU KNOW: This is the first time a team will feature three generations of players on the pitch at the same time.
Head Coach – Leia Organa
No one inspires the troops like Leia. No one. Bonus: Not above chewing out her star player as a stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking Nerf herder.